One year.

Exactly one year ago today, I experienced death of a loved one. There wasn’t a moment that day were I felt I was ‘fine.’ It’s been a year, and it still hits me. In my sociology last week, my teacher said “I know you all have that one family member that does this.” And I instantly smiled thinking about my grammy. Then, after about 20 seconds I remembered that she’s not here anymore. This happens a lot. Since the day she passed, I’ve tried many times writing about her, but I’ve never succeeded. I couldn’t manage a poem, short story, or even a journal entry without forcing myself to stop full of emotion. Well today I’m going to do it, no matter how long it takes.

But this post isn’t going to be about missing her, though I strongly do, it’s going to be about remembering her. After all, I am at no lack of memories with her, and they aren’t doing much running through my mind.

She’s the reason I love my fried eggs slightly burnt. My dad gives me the weirdest looks when I tell him to cook my eggs so that the ends are extra crisp. But when I was probably 4 or 5, I was staying with my grandma and she made me the best eggs. This was the first time I’d had a fried egg, and when she over cooked it slightly by accident, I didn’t think much of it. Now here I am, over 10 years later, and I can’t stand eggs that are slimy and not crisp.

She’s the reason I love falling asleep to TV shows, especially cop shows. You know, when you’re lying on the couch on a Friday night of a long week, and your eyes drift close. You’re half asleep, half awake. The voices of the characters of NCIS seem louder as you cuddle into the couch. This is one of my many real life happy places. It began when I would stay the night at my grandma’s house, and she’d turn on her NCIS or numb3rs (yes it was completely necessary to use the 3) I’d pay attention for the first, 10 minutes maybe, then I’d zone out and get my box of toys, which would keep me occupied until I got tired. At this age, I was determined to be an adult, so I would refuse to go to bed until she did. So I would lay down and try to watch the show, but end up falling asleep.

And finally, there’s one more memory that really sticks out in my mind because it involves so many things that make me happy. Christmas, car rides, and of course my grandma. There was one night in December my grandma and I were heading home after visiting my aunt or something. So she was driving and it was maybe 9 or 10 at night, snowing just engough to fill my child eyes with joy. We turned on the radio to none other than kosi 101 to sing Christmas carols as we made our way home. This is a scene I would love to see from the outside: And grandmother and her 10 year old grand-daughter singing and dancing in a little car while trying to drive in the snow. I eventually fell asleep on the way home, but I remember there was a time period before I fell asleep as I was looking outside. I remember specifically watching the snowflakes light up under the street lights as we drove passed them. I really have no idea why this idea is so prominent in my mind, but it never fails to ease my heart when I think of it.

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